Dealing with Divorce and Separation

Separation and divorce are in most cases very tough experiences for both men and women. Women are often disadvantaged from the point of view of their future incomes. Men can be compromised too. For men, many report extreme feelings ranging from frustration, powerlessness and anger; relief that differences are out in the open; desperate, ready to drop off the planet; determined to stand ground and battle to the bitter end; lonely and sad; bewildered and hurt.

These responses, as painful, distressing, and confusing as they may be are perfectly normal. Most men face these intense feelings and survive and go on to live fulfilling and happy lives. But it will take time. This is hardly surprising as separation is complex and involves loss of not just of a partner, but of the usual family structure, the family home and the routines that accompany it, the loss of friends and the social life you had, loss of a dream, loss of involvement or contact with children.

Often during the first two years following a separation the finances for both individuals will be very tight. Managing through the first few years can help establish a solid footing for future financial wellbeing.

In some cases one partner will leave the family home and support the status quo, thus ensuring that life goes on for the partner and the children. But this is, regrettably, the exception rather than the norm. Usually both individuals will have to adjust their living habits to manage the cash flow of their situation. Where a woman was not working previously she may start part time or full time work to reinvigorate the household budget. The male may have been the primary breadwinner and may have extra costs in the interim period such as rent, mortgage support, child support and other costs.

There are more costs for each to shoulder, two places to live, two lots of furniture and when children are around, perhaps duplicate sets of toys, and the like. Here, budgeting can become a vital tool for the period of adjustment.

Adjustments need to be made otherwise there is a big increase in living cost for the single person. For example, running a car is a significant expense. For the partner on the lower income carrying lease or associated costs can be a burden. Indeed cars are the most expensive items before housing; the all up costs over time can be substantial. Depreciation and interest costs alone on a typical $25,000 vehicle may be around $4,000 per annum.

People find they need to equip a new home so furniture and the like become a necessity and an additional expense of separation - not to mention rental bonds, removal costs. The internet is a great resource, carrying all sorts of items such as furniture at very affordable prices.

Once a budget is under control, rebuilding of wealth will then be a matter of investing the surplus not spent on cars and new furniture. At the end of the day an adviser will help work out with planning.

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