Divorce and Separation and its effect on Children
Children seldom escape unscathed from the fallout of a separation but the long-term consequences can be managed when there is care and attention to their best interests. The way children will react depends on many factors including family relationships before separation, children's ages and personalities and how both parents manage the situation. Most children will be vulnerable and have many fears, some realistic, some unfounded. Most will express strong feelings and younger children will often experience fear of abandonment and separation anxiety. This is often in such simple acts as saying goodbye after a visit.
Children are generally resilient in the face of major changes. Once the situation has stabilised, most children manage well; even better when parents act in concert with the wellbeing of their children. Above all, parents should explain what is happening in ways that they can understand. Children should never be made to think it's their fault or that they can get their parents back together. Reassure them that both parents love them.
Living arrangements will inevitably change and arrangements are not set in stone and there inevitably needs to be a degree of flexibility built in to any arrangements. After all, we all lead busy lives and work, travel, weekend commitments are all part and parcel of life. Generally residence and contact arrangements reflect the ages of the children, the capacity of both parents to care for them and how the family worked before separation.
Relationships Australia reports that 60 per cent of children say they?d like more contact with the absent parent. The challenge is to make the ongoing parenting relationship as manageable and as cooperative as possible. This may require some work.
People who have been through separation report that talking to friends or other contacts is helpful but there is a need to note that every person's situation is different. Because there are legal issues involved, especially around property and finances, legal advice is essential at some stage. This may feel intimidating for many people who see this as a financial hole but legal advice does not necessarily mean a court battle. Good legal advice should provide sound information and explore options for settlement that may or may not involve taking legal action.
If a former partner has got a lawyer, her lawyer will be working hard to obtain the best outcome for her. Each may decide that they seek out a lawyer who is experienced in family law - many will offer a free initial consultation. And if it is impossible to discuss things directly with a former partner, mediation can be a good solution.
Family Dispute Resolution is now compulsory, in the sense that people who wish to go to court to resolve disputes in relation to their children (parenting matters), are now required to first attend mediation, and make a 'genuine effort' to resolve their disputes. Mediation assists separating couples to discuss and make decisions about the practical aspects of their relationship and to develop a workable plan for the future. This can include sorting out assets and financial matters, as well as future parenting responsibilities.
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